Ohoka Poem/s

[1]

in Ohoka i made a temple on the front porch on
a sunday morning. my space. quiet. calm. silent.

i was alone with myself under a blue sky.
i drank coffee and i smoked and reflected on Death

Death which followed me
through every long weary day
and each long sleepless night.

Death lived in the music i played on the stereo
it was Death who had written the words.

[2]

words wait in the dusty corners of the room
words wait ...

I want to know

what if we had not failed/ if we had failed to failed to destroy/if we had not destroyed
words hung out limply/ like washing on the line/ in the falling rain.

[3]

i think you expected me to rise from the ashes but i cannot
you shift the ground - i shift the ground - the ground shakes beneath us.

[4]

your eyes
your eyes
you poured it out for me this last day
when it was too late
when i was running

she was nowhere she was everywhere she frames the view she is the view
she fills the spaces she has filled my mind i see only her it goes unspoken

 [her physical absence holds more space than mere presence did]

[5]

where were you before. where were you when you were needed.
tell me. the earth shifts beneath your feet. shakes. trembles.
your eyes. your tears. your hands. your touch. you tell me!

i never heard you

[6]

straight grey-metalled road slicing through paddocks grassed in gold
dark clouds overhang in bulged-down black-purple-steel grey ominousness
stillness tensioned like coiled wire.          
wired
blue vauxhall carving through/ fast/ driving through/ anywhere/nowhere
nowhere to go. no goals. no future.
i won't speak. I am spaced out. silent. in my head.

where were you before. where were you when you were needed.
NOW you are here NOW when it is too late.
your well-intentioned attempts at atonement do not touch me
i have no ears for you.  
she cannot hear you either.
she is gone.

Ohoka Poem/s was written (and added to, altered and subtracted from) over a period of time between 1999 and 2001. The poem refers to events/thoughts/feelings which occurred when i was living in Ohoka in 1979.